I’ve never felt more like a man than when I’m wearing a
dress, it’s a strange, but true, fact. I’m no He-Man, Master of the Universe,
nor am I a pre-Bullworker Charles Atlas, constantly getting sand kicked in my
face by the Beach Bully, I’m a pretty average ectomorph, straight up and down,
with my chest circumference hardly exceeding that of my waist and hips, not
particularly tall or small – about five feet nine – and weighing in at a
smidgen over 11 stones (or about seventy kilos for those of you that have
finally succumbed to metric after a forty year rebellion!).
So what, exactly, am I on about? Well, it’s my size you see.
Given all of the above I would have expected that I would be of similar
proportions to a woman who might, in these times in which we live, think that she was
OK, maybe ought to perhaps try and drop a dress size or two, and consider
herself fairly average. I’ve lived long enough and observed enough women to be
aware that size 6 or 8 might be thought of as ‘petite’, 10 or 12 as ‘slim’ and
14 as ‘real’. Anything above these numbers and it seems it’s time to get out
the Atkin’s or the cabbage soup, or the tomato peel, or whatever is the diet du
jour.
But I have discovered that I’m a 16-18! Now don’t get me
wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it just came as a big
surprise to me as I am quite a skinny bloke, and I sort of expected that I
would be a comfortable size 14. What is an even bigger shock though is that,
having seen myself in a dress, I couldn’t help but wish that I was just a
little bit skinnier, that my waist was a little trimmer and yes, that my boobs
were bigger,,,
Now, the main reason for me running in this fairy outfit is
for the comedy value it provides, so really the more ridiculous I look in the
outfit, the better, but it really did make me think about how many women must
be driven by this picture of perfection presented by society – that you must
look just so, that you should do whatever it takes to conform to the glossy
magazine image of the perfect shape and size. Which is one of the reasons why
there are eating disorders, and why we need to support such a valuable charity
as DWED.
I still haven’t plucked up the courage to go for a run round
the block in the fairy outfit! The problem is that, if I don’t do it soon then
I will have to do it in broad daylight as the days are getting lighter
noticeably earlier in the morning now! I was half tempted to give it a go this
morning, as the temperature had risen by about ten degrees since my run on Saturday,
but instead I opted for the more conventional t-shirt and shorts as I felt up
for a longish run.
The air was cool, but because it has become so much warmer
than of late I didn’t really feel the cold, and I felt like I had quite a
spring in my step as I set off. I’ve found over the years that it’s important
to try and preserve this ‘bounce’ that helps drive you forward – once it has
gone then running becomes a chore and a drudge, trying to drag one foot in
front of the other. For this reason I have developed a mental bounce that takes
over when the physical one is all but gone. Mind over matter, if you will – you
know that once the mental bounce has gone then life becomes hard however near
or far you are from the finish.
I felt like I was maintaining a decent pace all through the
park, but declined to check my Garmin, hoping instead for a nice surprise when
I returned home. And surprised I was, for I discovered that I had actually run
the course at my fastest pace this year, just a touch under 9:30 per mile. Not
a patch on my seven-minute mile days, but good for the amount of training I am
doing at the moment, so I’m not complaining. I will expect to be much slower in
the actual race, of course, not least because I will be wearing a
highly-charged nylon fairy dress!
Apart from the unexpected pace and freshness in my legs
after Saturday’s run, and after a long layoff, the run itself was uneventful.
No playful puppies or stray llamas, or herds of zebra were to be seen anywhere.
In fact, when I think about it, there weren’t a lot of people either and not a
lot of traffic – perhaps I should have done my trial full-costume run this
morning after all!
Time 44
mins
Distance 4.64
miles
Pace 9:29
per mile
BG before ??? I
forgot to test!
BG after 8.3
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